Dealing with Touts and 'Tour Guides' in India

One of the most tiring aspects of India, especially if you're a visible minority, is the constant badgering of offers for goods and services. I must admit, one of the few redeeming aspects of Gurgaon is that I don't get bothered at all, since it's mostly locals who live here, but at the tourist sites it is another story.

Unlike Southeast Asia, where after a polite but firm 'No', people will back off, here in India, they quite simply do not relent. At the Taj yesterday, as I walked 'The Gauntlet', each guide would go over their proposed tour and all the details I would cover. Several mintues of ignoring them mixed with 'No Thanks' didn't phase them. When the final emphatic 'No!' finally dissuaded them, the next guide in line would take over, totally undeterred by the fact they just watch me blow off the previous one. Every young adult male in India, it appears, is a tour guide.

But at least those guys are honest. Worse still are the supposedly 'free' guides who hang out at the sites, but very much expect a 'tip' at the end. You can spot them quickly enough by their doting, sycophantic behaviour, which becomes nauseating after the first 5 minutes. In this country, where everyone has to fend for themselves to survive, anyone demonstrating such attentive fervour in definitely looking to profit from you in some way.

So reflecting on this past weekend, I've been thinking of some strategies to deal with this issue. Here is what I thought up:

1) Pretend to not understand English well. ("No speak English good, Sprechen Sie Deutche?") Who would have thought my introductory German course would come in handy here?

2) I've noticed the 'free' guides invariably home in on white tourists. So next time, I plan to pass them off to some local Indian tourists (Hey, this guy here is offering free tours, would you like one?)

3) Though ignoring them doesn't always work, I've though of a way to step it up a notch. While they're going on about a tour, stare at them with a blank look, whip out your MP3 player (which I'll now be carrying on tour days), put in put in your earphones then walk away. I can't think of a more deliberate way to shut someone out.

4) If I'm in the mood for a tour, confront of be direct. "How much do you want? What you ask for is what for now is what you'll get from me"

So I'll be trying these out over the next few days to see how they work, and let you know of the results. If anyone has any other creative suggestions, please leave a comment.

I think I finally truly understand how the 'hot babe' at the nighclub feels, constantly being hit on by an endless barrage of chumps. To keep you sanity, to have to make it a game, and think of innovative and entertaining ways to shoot them down, or you'll go mad.